Will You Shut Up?
by Chocomoco
Summary: *NEW* WILL CONTINUE. *NEW* Spreading Christmas joy to your co-workers is one thing, showing affection through a Christmas tradition is another. And what happens after that? Rated T. House/Wilson.
1. Unexpected Delight

**Author's Note: Decided to take a break from Odd Couples and do something Christmas-y. Ever thought how most people confuse a holly with a mistletoe? Strange...**

* * *

"Why are you making me do this?"

"Because I can. I'm your boss."

"It's ridiculous. Besides, you don't even celebrate Christmas."

"Well, yes, but someone's going to nag me about not getting into that holiday spirit."

"No one's going to nag you, House."

"Shut up and just do it."

"Fine, fine. You know, this mistletoe really is nice. Who are you planning to kiss under it?"

"Nobody. The whole thing about kissing under the mistletoe is preposterous bull."

"You're not going to tell me, huh? Is it Cuddy?"

"No."

"It's not? Oh wait, you're lying. C'mon, I can keep a secret, you know I can."

"Yes, because Australians can be trusted. You still sleep with your kangaroo doll."

"How did you--nevermind that! You're not going to tell me, but I can tell it's Cuddy. You wanna kiss her."

"Oh my god, that was such a brilliant comeback that I almost took it seriously. Now, hurry it up."

"Be patient. There, I'm finished. So…how 'bout a small kiss for putting that up?"

"Yeah, right. Kiss this!"

"Ouch! Hey, that hurt! Hmm? A patient file? Wha--she's had seven seizures for the last five months? Well, House, you know how much I love you but I love a seizing patient more."

"So the blonde whore was a cover-up? Never thought you'd be so devious, Skippy. Now, get out and take care of that seizing patient."

"See you, House."

"Whatever."

* * *

"Hey, House, are we still going bow--oh, what's this? A holly? That's quite pleasant."

"You like it?"

"Yeah, but…what are you planning?"

"I'm not planning anything."

"Yes, you are."

"What makes you say such horrible things on a great, wintery day? You won't be on Santa's nice list with that attitude, you know."

"Oh, quit it, House. I know you're planning something. But, I just don't know what."

"You're stupid, you know that?"

"I guess you won't be on Santa's nice list either."

"But I'm not usually the martyr."

"You're the brilliant cripple that enjoys hurting others."

"Emotionally, not physically."

"You have done that to some people in the past, you know."

"Really? I don't remember. Oh wait, that's right. Well, let's not tell Santa about that."

"You're so intolerable."

"And yet, you stick around with me."

"Because I'm afraid you might not survive all alone. Humans need interaction. Isolation will just make things worse."

"Oh shut up, Wilson. You're getting annoying again."

"Ignoring that statement, are we still up for bowling?"

"Yep. Was that all you wanted to ask me?"

"Yeah, because you might have other plans. You may never know."

"…"

"Are you having a House moment? Because I'm sick and ti--"

"You really need to shut up."

"Wha…you--you…why'd you do that?!"

"It's not a holly, you moron. Look, it's a mistletoe."

"You set me up."

"Did I?"

"You knew that I would come to you for some crazy reason and you would make a move and k-ki--I can't even say it! Are you drunk? High? Both? We need to get you to Cuddy!"

"You're really that astonished? Thought you'd handle it more…maturely."

"I was caught by surprise! You kissed me! My God, House! You've gone insane!"

"Or you're just overreacting."

"I am not overreacting!"

"God, you do need to shut up. Maybe I should tape your mouth next since the whole kissing thing didn't work. Damn."

"Or you just need to start thinking sane for once!"

"Now, that wouldn't be fun, besides, you're only attracted to me because you feel sorry for me. About how brilliant I am yet my misery is equal to that brilliance."

"You're not making any sense now."

"Or your mind is just too blank from what had happened a few seconds ago."

"House…shut up."

"Says the guy that won't shut up about his best friend kissing him."

"That's the past. That should've been dismissed quickly but apparently, you're not letting go of it."

"Because you're not."

"I am!"

"Yeah, sure, your anger says it all."

"I think it's your turn to shut up now."

"Oh? What are you going to do? Tape my mouth shut? Because you're just stealing that from me."

"No."

"Then wha--"

"No, I'm not that mean. How about a kiss? Let's just say that it's…payback."

"So, you did enjoy it."

"I know you did. You wouldn't let go of my arm."

"That's just me. I always knew you were gay. That's why you're always at my side."

"I still can't believe you did that."

"I can. I did it. Though, your little 'payback' made me think 'he wants more.' You do, don't you?"

"Quit it."

"Yeah, start walking away. Make the cripple feel bad. But remember, you're gonna come runnin' back to me."

"Merry Christmas, House. Oh, yeah, do me a favor? Shut up for the rest of the day."

"Don't expect it."

"You idiot."


	2. Gone? To Where?

**Author's Note: I wanted to continue, because I said so. Haha. No, I just wanted to make another 'test fanfiction' out of this. **

* * *

"Hey, Lisa, have you seen House?"

"I was about to ask the same thing. It's the day after Christmas and…he got drunk that night, didn't he?"

"N-No. Of course not. He wasn't drinking at all, he didn't come to my apartment either. Do you think something happened to him?"

"Maybe we should ask his mother."

"I already did. She doesn't know where he is."

"Damn it. What should we do?"

"Search for him?"

"No…no. He'll come around eventually."

"Are you sure?"

"…"

"Cuddy? Please tell me the truth. Don't lie to me."

"…"

"L-Lisa? P-Please…"

"I'm not sure. I'm sorry, Wilson."

"Should we send a missing person report?"

"We'll have to wait. I hope he's okay."

"I hope so, too."

* * *

"Damn, where are you, House?"

"Hey."

"H-House?! Oh…hello, Chase."

"Where's House?"

"I don't know."

"He doesn't know."

"Foreman, Thirteen…Taub? What's going on?"

"We didn't see him today. We thought that you would know where he is."

"I don't know. I'm sorry. I didn't see him lately."

"You're just going to sit here and wait? What if he's shot dead? With all this heavy snow, we don't know what could've happened to him."

"Get out."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. Get out."

"No!"

"OUT!!"

"O-Okay! C'mon, guys!"

"Chase…"

"Um…what is it?"

"If House isn't back in four days, come find me and inform me."

"Why?"

"You don't need to know the reason why. Besides, isn't it obvious?"

"Well, you guys are close friends but--"

"Just do it. Don't ask any more questions, Chase. Do as I say or don't accept it at all."

"…"

"Sorry. I'm just terrified. He didn't show up last night either. I'm getting a bit scared."

"It's okay. We'll find him. Don't you worry your pretty little head, Wilson."

"Thanks. I can always count on you."

"Yeah. So, see you."

"See you."

* * *

"Wilson?"

"Yeah?"

"I heard a rumor going on."

"Does it have anything to do with House?!"

"No."

"Oh…"

"But it concerns you."

"What?"

"Are you paying doctors and nurses to look for House?"

"When did you find out?"

"I'm the Chief of Medicine, I know almost everything that's going around in this place."

"Oh. Well, yeah, I am but--"

"I know you're terrified, Wilson. I am too, but you can't just start taking risks and think everything will go alright."

"Then what am I suppose to do?"

"Wait. That's the only thing you can do right now."

"I can't do that!"

"It's hard to cope with but please, please, listen to me."

"I'm listening."

"No, you're not. You'll just ignore me and the next morning, you'll be paying patients to find a scruffy old cripple with a cane, probably all cold in an alley."

"I'm not that predictable!"

"You are."

"Okay, okay, I am."

"Listen, Wilson. Don't worry about it. Whatever happens…happens."

"Oh, God, don't say that."

"I'm just stating the possibility of--"

"Please stop."

"Wilson. Stop living in your fantasy world. This is the real world, not some idealistic dream you crave for so much."

"Fine. Fine. Fine."

"Take care. Promise me that. I don't want to lose another doctor."

"But you sound as if he's gone."

"There is a chance that he is. The temperature's terribly low than usual. He…he probably could be dead."

"I can't bear the fact that you're crying over him, Lisa. Just go home and take care of Rachel. Go to Lucas and just…have a nice night. I'll take care of this."

"Don't overdo yourself, James."

"I promise I won't."

"Goodnight."

"Night."


	3. Ring! Ring! Ring!

"James Wilson's residence. Hello."

"…"

"Hello?"

"…"

"You know, for a couple of kids, you guys aren't great at prank-calling. So, you boys just drop the act and come clean. I mean it."

"…"

"Still on the phone, I see. Well, let's see if you two are going to be on the phone when I call the cops."

"…"

"That doesn't scare you? I'll do it, I'm willing to."

"…"

"Fine, I won't turn you boys in but you better stop this idiocy."

"Hmph."

"Huh? W-What was that?"

"…"

"Can you repeat what you just said? I didn't hear that clearly. Please repeat it."

"…"

"Hello? Are you still there?"

"…"

"Well, if you aren't going to tell me, then I'll just hang up."

"Hmm."

"Okay, bye. Strange. Who would be calling me at this hour? It's nearly midnight."

* * *

"Oh, hello? Um, this is James Wilson."

"What's up, buddy?"

"What do you want?"

"I heard that House has gone missing. What did ya do to piss him off so much?"

"I did nothing! Well…"

"Well, what?"

"Nothing, it's nothing."

"It has something to do with House, huh? Doesn't it? Tell me."

"Why would you care?"

"I won't get paid."

"…he hasn't sent you to do anything for the past several months, Lucas."

"I know but there's a chance that he could."

"But he can't."

"Because he's missing."

"Exactly. So, is there any other reason why you called?"

"Yeah."

"Okay."

"Wanna hear it?"

"Not really."

"I'm going to tell you anyway. Lisa's been really sad because she lost the so called 'best damn doctor I've ever had', which I'm a bit confused about. Does she mean business-related or relationship-related? What do you think?"

"I think that you should stop thinking too much about the possibility that you could lose your relationship with Cuddy and start caring for her and Rachel."

"Okay, okay, you sound like my mom…except you're a guy."

"A dad?"

"Yeeeah! That's the one!"

"Goodbye, Lucas."

"See you later, Wilsie. Oh, yeah, and if you do see House, tell him he owes me. I need to make a living too, you know."

"I'll be sure to tell him."

"Pinky promise?"

"Um, sure."

"Liar!"

"What? I would never break a promise."

"That's what you want me to think."

"Ugh. Goodbye, Lucas."

"Promise! Anyway, buh-bye!"

* * *

"What's up?"

"Apparently, the ceiling."

"Man, Wilson. You've just been locked in your office for the past four days! House will be back!"

"Chase, did you remember what I told you a few days ago?"

"No."

"I told you. Inform me if you haven't seen House in four days."

"Oh…well, what are you going to do?"

"Clean out House's stuff and probably give them to charity."

"Do you think little kids would like a bunch of video games and porn magazines?"

"Mature kids."

"Yeah. Sure. Listen, we'll find him. But most importantly, you have to get out!"

"No. I'm stuck doing paperwork."

"…"

"What?"

"You've completed all of them. What's your excuse?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing my sparkly ass. What happened?"

"The other night, someone called me. I don't know who. They were silent. After a while, they returned a reply, but it was very unclear. It sounded so much like a mumble. I just couldn't comprehend what they were trying to say."

"That's strange. Who would be calling you?"

"House?"

"Did it sound like House?"

"No."

"Then it's not House. Maybe that person has some information about House. Looks like you're not finding just one person anymore. Maybe two people."

"Great…will you help?"

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Cuddy's got me doing clinic duty."

"Or you're just lazy."

"Listen, I want to help but I can't. You'll have to do this by yourself."

"Fine. Okay."

"Are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine."

"I hope so. Bye."

"…I hope so, too…"


	4. In the Alley Part 1

"Well, it's seven. I'll see you tomorrow, okay? Be sure to take your pills twice a day."

"Thank you, Dr. Wilson."

"No problem."

"…"

"Yes?"

"Something's been on your mind lately, right?"

"Why would you care?"

"Because people's personal lives are wrecking their jobs."

"Where did you here that from?"

"I read an article of it a few months ago."

"Oh. Did scientists prove that er…theory?"

"I'm really hazy about the details so I'm not really sure. I'll take a shot in the dark here, I'll say yes."

"Hah, well, read that article again."

"Forget the article."

"Why?"

"Because something's on your mind."

"Well, yeah. A friend of mine went missing a few days ago."

"Why haven't you filed a missing person report yet?"

"I don't know…well, see you, Jack. I'll see you tomorrow. Take care."

"Bye, Dr. Wilson."

* * *

"Wilson?"

"Yeah, Lisa?"

"…what are you going to do?"

"What…what are you talking about?"

"About House."

"Oh, well, I don't know for sure. I'm in a rut right now."

"You're not the only one."

"I know you used to like House, Lisa but--"

"It's not House."

"Is it…Lucas?"

"No."

"Your mother?"

"No. It's not…it's someone more important."

"Who?"

"Rachel."

"W-What happened? Did something go wrong?"

"She's missing."

"W-What?! Is this why you didn't come to work until now? It's nearly nine!"

"I know, I know. I've been crying. I've filed a report on her."

"When…when did you last see her?"

"A day ago. With this weather…Oh, dear Lord, Wilson."

"It's…it's okay. It's okay. I promise I'll find her."

"…"

"Without a doubt, I will…don't worry. Just go back to Lucas and I'll handle things."

"Please don't overdo this…please."

"I won't. Why must you keep mentioning that to me? I'm not a child."

* * *

"Lisa…Jack. Oh, God, I feel so--ah! H-Hey! Let go! Let go of me! H-Help!! Someo--"

"Shut up. We're in an alley, shut up."

"Mmph!! Mhhmmp! Hpmh hmm!"

"What's that? I can't hear you."

"Ah! Fuah! What the hell?! Who do you think you are?!"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"You're freezing. Hey…l-let go."

"…"

"Let go! Do you want me to help you or not? I'm a doctor, I can help you! What're you doing here? It's probably one of the coldest places in Princeton…"

"Hah…ah…"

"Are you okay?"

"No."

"…well, w-why?"

"You moron, I'm cold."

"Your clothes are all tattered, how long have you been like this?"

"A few days."

"Oh…well, then. Wait. Show me your hands."

"Why?"

"I just want to look."

"There, you've taken a look."

"They're in decent shape...a bit pale, kind of blue. Tell me the precise number of days you've been here."

"…"

"Tell me. Go on."

"Hi! Dr. House, I have--"

"W--Rachel?"

"Uncle Jimmy!"

"Your mother's looking for you, wh-what--House?"

"What? You can't tell your best buddy under all this massive clothing? They're a bit of an effort to walk into and stuff but--"

"No, no, nooooooo. Y-You!! And you! What are you guys doing here?!"

"I founded Dr. House. Don't be mad at me!"

"You should be with Lucas and Cuddy. And you! You should be with me! In my apartment!"

"God…PMS, much?"

"House! Did you take Rachel yesterday?"

"No! He didn't! Mommy was crying about him and I went to look for him!"

"You shouldn't have done that. How--how are you two keeping warm?"

"Dr. House made a bright, shiny thing from wood!"

"…wha--?"

"Fire."

"…okay. But, you're already exposed to the cold. You two could have hypothermia. C'mon, let's get back to the hospital."

"No!"

"Wha--why?"

"Dr. House don't wanna go!"

"You know, for a toddler, her grammar sucks."

"You…shut up. You…your mom's afraid. She's scared."

"And she doesn't care about me?"

"What did I just say?"

"I'm awesome?"

"No. Rachel, please, come on."

"No!"

"You're being difficult!"

"Or you just are."

"My God, House. Shut up. I'm trying to help you and you're giving me crappy excuses."

"Oh, quit it. You're getting annoying **again**. Let the kid have some fun."

"The kid has a name! It's like you don't care about her at all!"

"…"

"Well, thank God you finally have the tendency to shut up. Please, Rachel…just…"

"Dr. House wants to stay here…"

"…what? Listen, Rachel, Dr. House is an arrogant, malevolent piece of sh--poo. And you shouldn't stay here because he has to."

"But I wanna stay with him."


	5. In the Alley Part 2

"But why?"

"She loves me more than Lucas."

"Shut. Up. Please."

"Then why don't you make me?"

"With what? A bat striking your large head full of ego?"

"Not the most subtle way of showing your hatred but it's sufficient."

"House, get your ass to the hospital."

"You're only saying that because you care more about the brat than me."

"She can hear you."

"She doesn't mind. Right, kiddo?"

"Yep!"

"…oh God. Well, if you two aren't coming with me, I suppose I'll stay here."

"Yay! Uncle Jimmy, hurry!"

"Where is she going?"

"Just follow her."

"H-Hey, wait up!"

* * *

"This is quite nice. This is where you guys have been…erm, hiding?"

"Yeah! I got food before I runned away!"

"…her grammar is terrible. Beyond that, actually. I got to teach her how to talk properly."

"You wouldn't even do it."

"Your point?"

"My po--oh, I'm not going to waste my breath on you!"

"Want a cookie?"

"Um, no thanks."

"So…"

"So…what?"

"I heard you were crying over me."

"I wasn't crying over you."

"Sure, keep telling yourself that."

"Ignoring, ignoring. Why did you stay here instead of my apartment? You could've eaten all of my food in the fridge and crashed on the couch with a beer in your hand."

"I didn't want to see you."

"You're lying, right?"

"Maybe, maybe not."

"You--you wouldn't do that!"

"Yes, I would."

"Going to such lengths such as this, staying in an alley with a toddler! With only a box to live in!"

"We sleep on the ground, not in the boxes, genius."

"Whatever! God, House! This is a new low, even for you!"

"Why are you being so stupid now?"

"I'm not stupid! I'm worried!"

"About what? You know that I'm fine."

"Yeah, now! Those four days were agony, utter hell for me! Cuddy and I were afraid that we lost you! And now she's lost Rachel. I told her I would find you guys and I did, but you are too ignorant to come back and she doesn't want to leave your side! Ugh! I can't believe you! You're not telling me a reason why you left after the--"

"There's a child in the area. Do you want her to turn into a lesbian before she reaches sixteen? Tsk, tsk, tsk, Wilson. If she finds out about us, she'll probably think 'oh, if Dr. House and Dr. Wilson did it, maybe it could be fun for me!' Really, do you want her to suffer like that? And then Cuddy will turn into a raging bitch."

"You and your insane mind."

"You know you love it."

"…"

"What?"

"Can you tell me the real reason why you left?"

"No."

"I won't stop bugging you."

"I can live with that. After all, you're living through hell with me in your life anyway."

"That's true."

"Yeah, I'm always right."

"Not always."

"Don't ruin the moment."

"…"

"Now what?"

"You look awfully pale."

"So, your point?"

"Can you touch your thumb and pinky together?"

"Yeah."

"Prove it."

"There. I did it."

"Barely. For about ten seconds."

"So?"

"So, you should go to the hospital where it's warm and cozy. You weren't stumbling that much."

"See? I don't need to go to the damn hospital."

"Uncle Jimmy!"

"Yeah?"

"Let's go!"

"Go where?"

"Go to mommy!"

"Do you know where mommy is?"

"In the hock-spit-all?"

"Well, it looks like she wants to go to mommy, how about you, House?"

"No."

"I'll leave you here."

"Go ahead. I don't mind."

"Ugh, you're so difficult. Come with me."

"Uck, you're so demanding."

"And you're an ass. So that balances out quite well, huh? Just come on before I leave you here all alone because there's no chance in hell I'm leaving Rachel with a demon like you."

"Ouch, that hurt, you know."

"Oh, cut the crap, shut up and follow me."


End file.
